Monday, February 27, 2012

Will You Marry...Psych!

Dear Eve,

How do I get my boyfriend to propose to me?  He said he was going to after he graduated but that was 2 months ago.  Now he's just told me that it's not gonna happen until he finds a job in his field.  I've told him how important it is to me and it's not like I want to get married right away, but I think after 2 years that I am more than a girlfriend, especially since he says that we will get married one day, just not now.  WTF?

Dear Never a Bride,

I've known women that have put a lot of pressure on their mate to give them a super memorable engagement story that they can tell over, and over, over again to show everyone that their fiance is thoughtful and romantic and madly in love with them and aren't-you-so-jealous?  I hope you're not expecting that because it's kinda pathetic and unfair.  If that's not the case (praise bob if it's not), it could be that you've simply given him sole control over the trajectory of the relationship, which would be unfair also.  You're allowing him to make what should be a joint decision, alone.  Your eggs won't be fresh forever (if that's your choice) and I've known ladies that have been jolted out of 6,7,10 year relationships after waiting for a man to grow up, only to break up and have him marry someone else post-haste.  You see, you've set up a bad precedent.  Why should he marry you when he knows you will stick around with out a ring?  He knows that you don't want to get married right away.  My assessment is that he's being an asshole.

First, you need to decide whether or not you want to marry him knowing that he is insensitive and unresponsive to the things that are most important to you, then, if the answer is yes, ask him to be your groom.  If you're going to whinge about him failing you and do nothing then you're as bad as he is.  Take control of your destiny, madam.  Take this guy out of the driver's seat.  With him, you're headed straight for a jersey wall spray-painted with a timeless "I Love Pookie," which would be such an ironic and sad way to go.  But I am happy for Pookie.

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