Thursday, March 29, 2012

Decisions and Man-Parts

Dear Eve,

My wife is lazy. I don't say this lightly and I can't believe I'm sharing my feelings about this. I feel terrible about feeling this way but I'm frustrated and getting angrier as time goes by.

We both work hard at our jobs but when she gets home and on weekends she does nothing. I ask for help cleaning, doing laundry, even just getting dinner on, but no help. She's busy with other things, but I have no idea what those things are. She does spend a lot of time in the bedroom but I've never been one to pry.

She keeps pushing me to have kids but unless this changes I don't want to. I don't even think I want to stay married. I have no idea how to help this situation. You're probably going to jump on me for being a bad husband, but I'm not. I need help. Please advise.



Dear Neglected,

I'm not going to bust your balls for being real about a heartbreaking situation. If you'd written in and whinged about her weight or held her to a higher standard than yourself that would have justified a clock-cleaning. I think we can agree, however, that you're a pretty nice, hardworking guy.

That aside, I think you know that this problem isn't really about cleaning; it's about having your spouse meet your needs and listen to you. Your wife is doing neither and that makes you feel that she doesn't love you. I would say she doesn't, at least not in any way that's meaningful to you and that's the only way that matters, right? If it's her magical, golden hoo-ha that's keeping you in this holding pattern, you're gonna have deny yourself the pleasure of making love to someone that is obviously using you. If it's not magical, I'm not sure why you've held out as long as you have.

You need to be straight-forward and a little bit of a dick if you have to. It sounds like you're afraid to get real with her. Why would you not ask what she's doing when she's hidden away in the bedroom while you're keeping the house up? She's not a boarder! She's punking you out and you're taking it. Set some boundaries and tell her exactly what you expect and that if she's not willing to share in the upkeep then you need to insist on some sort of counseling. Tell her your marriage is in jeopardy if she doesn't get it together. Don't accept any excuses. The only decent excuse she could have is that she's ill and she's not, though ruling out depression really should be considered. Pull on a pair of balls and stand up for yourself then let her know that they'll be no baby-making, either, unless she starts acting like an adult: children having children is not cool. It's going to be hard but you need to do it or nothing will change and I promise you that it will get worse because she'll eventually squeeze a baby out of you and then you're most definitely going to be mom, dad, and houseboy (and not in the fun way).

On the other hand, you could let your resentment maturate and change you into a full-grown jackhole. That would be awesome! Hone the sword of passive-aggressiveness and use it to gore your marriage. That would be easier than being honest and standing up for yourself and your marriage. What's the fun if you can't complain and feel put upon? What kind of life will you have if you're not the "good" one anymore? Decisions, decisions. They're like penises: they can be hard at first, but when you finally decide to take things in hand and pull the trigger, you'll feel relieved and satisfied that you took care of business. It can be messy, but it's worth it.

4 comments:

  1. Sometimes you just need to choke a bitch :) Super funny!

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  2. Saddly, I am this wife. It was so good for me to get this perspective. It's hard being in the work force, a wife and a mother. After reading this though, I realize I need to be more present for my family to work. Thank you. 

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  3.  Thanks, bb.

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  4.  :)  You're welcome!

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