Monday, March 5, 2012

Hey! I'm Stalking Here! Or Not?

Dear Eve,

A couple months ago I broke up with my then BF.  The reasons were lack of communication and his fear of commitment. He wanted to slow waaaaay down.  I was already going as slow as I know how. Anyway, I haven’t heard from him since but I still miss him from time to time. I really thought we had the potential to be really good together.  Tonight I was missing him more than usual so I was dumb and looked up his profile on the website we met on. His latest status update (2 days ago) says “kinda missing having a smitten kitten around……” Now, I used to say that I was a smitten kitten when I was with him. So, I’m confused and thought I could turn to you for advice.  Should I 1) contact him under the pretense that I have some of his stuff, 2) assume that there is a new smitten kitten, or 3) ignore him or block him so I can't stalk him anymore?

Dear Smitten Kitten,

There's no reason why two people that shared a lot of time and memories together can't catch up now and again.  If he is a decent sort of fellow, he won't read into it.  If he's not, who really cares what he thinks.  This is about what you want, not about what he wants.  Additionally, you (semi) recently broke up, he was an okay guy, and he didn't do anything illegal to break up with you.  Looking at his profile every once in a while does not make you a stalker.  Hell, looking at it every day for a short period of time is okay, too.  It's pure human curiosity.  However, if you make his profile your home page, start going through his garbage, or roll around naked on any effects he left behind, I'll be happy to confirm your stalker status and call you out on it.

I do think there's a pretty good chance that you're the "smitten kitten" he was referring to, unless he's a ladies man, then please assume he's co-opted your cool little nickname to help him get laid.  But, say it is you he's missing, to what end?  He ended it because he couldn't commit, which is code for being afraid that he'd be settling if he stayed with you and in the recesses of his cold, black heart he thinks he can do better.  That's so shitty.

Contact him and see how he's doing with no pretense.  You don't need it.  I wouldn't block him, either, because once you talk to him you're going to keep in the forefront of your mind that he left you and hurt you. That should take some of the shine off his penny.  There is something so unattractive about a man who doesn't adore his lady.  And everyone deserves to be adored, to be needed like a tweaker needs meth; like my broke-ass granny needs her cigarettes and valium; like my son needs the Redskins cheerleader calendar.  HE NEEDS IT OR HE WILL DIE.  So like that.  Save the cares you have left for the guy that won't settle for anyone less than you.

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