Thursday, March 15, 2012

You're Momma's So Poor...

Dear Eve,

I'm going to have a baby!  Everyone keeps telling me I need a lot of stuff like a changing table, swing, bouncy seat and something called a baby gym?  But we have no money to spare and it seems to me that my mom didn't use this stuff so why should I.

Does a baby need all this crap?

Dear Little Momma,

Babies don't need much: clothes, diapers, a boob or a bottle, but some parents find that having certain items can make their lives easier.  I encourage new parents to buy the bare minimum accoutrements then, as you and the baby get used to each other,  acquire things as you find you need them.   For instance, some moms don't mind changing a baby while they're in their crib, on a couch, or on a bed, but some moms soon find that they're totally squicked out by it and need to invest in a changing table. Some moms don't care if their garbage can smells like a toxic waste dump, other moms realize they need a completely poop-smell free home so they get one of those diaper disposal systems.  Some moms want to hold their baby all day and never put them down, while some discover that they never really wanted to be a mom in the first place so they invest in a bouncy seat, duct tape and a foam wedge.  Then they can tape the baby into the seat then use the wedge to prop up bottle!  They never have to hold the baby again!   You just trust your instincts.  Mommas know what's best for their babies and themselves.  When a mom gets what she needs as she needs it there is no unnecessary spending.

However, if people are going to buy or give you stuff, have at it!  You could take advantage of people, not that I'd encourage it mind you,  and go online and find something like Cookie magazine for ideas or get the get the Royal Family's Gold Plated Baby Stuff catalog and ask for all the things!  You will be happier!  You're baby will be smarter!  You will be looked up to for being such a loving mother because you have THINGS!  EXPENSIVE THINGS!  and you will give your admirers a knowing nod and shy smile because you know that your baby is guaranteed to be Pope, president, and run the PTA all at the same time.  Future Mother of the Year, I can't wait to learn all your secrets.

No comments:

Post a Comment