Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Drunk? Divorced? Dangerous!

Dear Eve,

I’m in my late 20’s and recently divorced. I spent my party years being a wife and now I am having a really good time making up for lost time.

I’m writing to you because my friends and family are worried that I’m drinking too much and using it to not deal with my divorce. I do party and drink a lot on the weekends going out with friends to see bands or karaoke and have 3 or 4 beers at night after work. I have a very stressful job and it helps me relax. Is it too much? All my friends drink just as much as me or more, it doesn’t affect my job besides the occasional hangover and I don’t act like an alcoholic and can function just fine without it. Since I don’t have a problem, I don’t see the point in stopping my partying but I don’t like that my family is worried.

How can I convince my people that I don’t have a problem?

Dear Lush,

You do have a problem. How can I convince your people that they need to ride you like a swayed-back pony until you wake up and realize what you are doing is dangerous and has the potential to cause you major problems during a time that could be a beautiful rebirth? If you say your beer swilling is of no consequence, then a simple request from the people that you love to abstain for a while should be easy. Why wouldn't you, if you could, give the people you love a little peace of mind? But you're not even considering a slow-down and that, my dear, is most certainly a problem.

We all know—you must know by now—that drinking a lot during times of stress doesn’t lead to anything good, unless your idea of good includes major depression, possible DUI’s and maybe a few STD’s if you’re feelin’ nasty. Knock it off. Put down the Poor Man’s Martini1, call your big sister and imagine together what your life would look like without the booze. If you can’t imagine a life with out a few drinks to unwind, and still don’t think you have a problem, maybe you should call Lindsay Lohan and you two can be totally awesome together. You can get your lips "plumped" so you look like a duck and never wear a bra again! She's grown up a lot so you can keep your panties on. Oh how I mourn for the old Lindsay.

But if you do see the sadness and madness of what you are doing to your life, lean on your people and get help. They are standing there to catch you when you fall.

1 Miller High Life with a few olives popped in the bottle

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