Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Let Me Advise You to Have Sex with Me

Dear Eve,

I'm a junior at university and in trouble. I recently went through a terrible break-up and my grades suffered because I didn't handle it well. My adviser scheduled a meeting with me to see what was up and I told him. I was taken aback that this normally buttoned-up guy suddenly was very kind and concerned and talked to me for quite awhile telling me that I was a great girl, I deserved better, etc. Then he suggested we get together for dinner and a few beers to talk some more. I thought it was odd, but we'd known each other a long time, plus he's 25 years older than me and never gave off a sexual vibe and he's married. So he came to my apartment, brought the beer and I cooked. Pretty normal at first, then he pulled me onto his lap and was all over me. I was freaked out! Unfortunately, I kissed him back because I didn't know what else to do! I didn't know how to tell this old man/authority figure to stop because I'm lame like that. He told me he's always wanted me and wants to have an affair.

I should've stopped it and I didn't. He's my adviser for another year and I don't even think I can look at him again. In a way I feel violated but I know I don't have a right to since I didn't tell him no.

I have no idea what to do for the next year. His office is in the building that most of my classes are. I'm totally screwed.

Dear Irresistible Co-ed,

You're not totally screwed unless you choose to be. Everything will be fine once you step back, re-evaluate the situation and understand that this does not hold enough weight to ruin your senior year. It's an eww-inducing memory, but not one that warrants jeopardizing graduation. You can fix things from your end. His reaction will be his own; you've got to know that and let go.

Let's break it down. You were vulnerable, willfully naive, and lack the power to stand up for yourself. He is a creepy cheater/predator that likes to take down the weak ones in the herd. The fact is you had a mini-make-out session with a someone in a position of power who rightly believed, by your own admission, that his advances were welcome, so now, as far as he is concerned, you're interested in continuing the relationship. He is hoping this anyway, while having high anxiety that he went too far and that he is jeopardizing his tenure for a piece of co-ed ass. You, my little sweetie, are going to have to leave your childish ways behind and claim your place as Woman and go into the eye of the storm to set him straight. Meet with your adviser and tell him that you regret what happened and want to maintain a professional relationship with him and are happy to change advisers if he is uncomfortable. THIS WILL BE HARD but must be done or you will not only be miserable for your senior year but you will also take on the mantle of Victim, which is just pathetic. You're a grown-ass woman, so next time isten to the voice in your head that says, "This is a bad idea." and you can avoid having to pull on iron-clad panties and going to the mat.

This is not to say that the professor wasn't acting vile because men that take advantage of vulnerable or naive women have a special place in hell. And even though you acted in a receptive manner, you should still make a report of the situation. This type of behavior doesn't happen in a vacuum; there are other girls out there that weren't able to stand up for themselves. You owe it to them. Too bad it would be frowned upon to simply humiliate him sexually to get your point across. A little bit of HAHA LOOK AT THAT WHERE'S YOUR VIAGRA YOU'RE BODY IS GROSS could go a long way with this guy and put him off his game enough so that the next time a doe-eyed co-ed catches his... eye he'll be less inclined to pounce.

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