Thursday, April 19, 2012

Lloyd Dobler: You're All Mine

Dear Eve,

My boyfriend is having a mid-life crisis. Suddenly he is hanging out with guys (and some girls) half his age. The worst part is that he is hanging out with them at my house and keeping the hours of a 20 something. He seems much happier than he has been and I’m not worried that he might cheat but he is annoying the hell out of me and being really disrespectful.

Should I just bide my time and let him run it out of his system since he’s so damn happy or let him know that I’m at the end of my rope and he needs to grow up?

Dear Miss Respectful,

You know, this doesn’t have to be kill him or ignore him. There’s a lot of room in between to craft a punishment to fit the crime, so to speak. I have to say that in some ways this is pretty awesome. It sounds like he’s recaptured some joie de vivre that he’d lost and didn’t become a scumbag in the process so lucky you! You will reap the rewards, eventually, anyway. Happy is the gin in the martini of life.

Just be honest. Tell him you’re happy for him but feeling youthful again doesn't give him a pass to act irresponsible or immature. Let him know you need him to be a man, not a boy and if he wants the perks that only men can enjoy (::eyebrow waggle::), he needs to give you the respect you’ve given him while he's been trying out his new wings.

Then again, you could take a more interesting approach and pull out a few Madonna outfits, circa 1988, and get some gum chewing girlfriends and a few guys that don't know they're gay yet to hang out with you at the house to reboot your own inner material girl. Party like it's 1999 in a bullet bra and a pair of lace gloves while doing your best Molly Ringwald Breakfast Club dance moves. I’d add some vicious flirting with his friends just for fun; jealousy is a good minor story arc in any John Hughes movie.

If the planets align, you will both have a wonderful time for a while, at least until your husband tires of your mesh t-shirt shenanigans and realizes that he has to reign it in if you're going to go back to wearing clothes without holes in them.

Do eet! Have fun being that girl minus the very bad decisions that were a direct result of thinking that all boys are secretly Lloyd Dobler and just waiting for the right moment to stand under your window in the rain with a boom-box playing In Your Eyes while professing an undying love. Not that I would know anything about that. No way, José.

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