Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Mama Loves Her Baby, But Her Baby is a Bitch

Dear Eve,

My boyfriend and I are going to stay for a weekend at my parent's house which is 3 hours away. We're both 20 years old and have been together for more than a year and they've met him before. My Mom said he can stay the night but expects us to sleep in separate beds and says we can pay for a hotel if that doesn't suit us. How do I tell her she's crazy and remind her that I'm a grown woman? I'm an adult. She still treats me like a child and I'm sick of it.

Dear Fornicator,

Have mercy on me! I'm about to expire from the injustice of it all. How dare your mother have a set of morals that doesn't match your own! Doesn't she realize that just because it's her house, it doesn't give her the right to decide who can sleep where? You're an adult! And let's not forget that you should be able to have sex when and where you want to and no one should be able to infringe upon that unalienable right because you're a grown-ass woman, right? You could go to a hotel but she expects you to pay for it yourself. Has she forgotten that you're her child? Geez! Am I glad that I'm not you.

Oh, come on! You have lost your mind, girl. It's your mother: her house, her rules. You've got more problems than just being immature and selfish if you and your lover can't endure being apart for a few nights, just a couple of rooms apart. You want to be treated like an adult? Act like one and pay for a hotel with your own money if your mom's accommodations clash with your sensibilities. Don't you dare try to squeeze a few shekels out of her for a hotel room, either, especially when she's being inexplicably gracious by wanting to spend time with you in the first place.

A final word: In my life, I have never heard an adult make the proclamation that they are one. Grandma never whines, "But I'm an adult!" when things don't go her way, neither does my 18 year old, very responsible and very self-reliant niece, but both are. If you're really an adult, you don't have to remind anyone of that fact, anymore than you need to remind people that you're a woman or, for that matter, that you're a whiny bitch. Now go be a good girl and call your mom.

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