Monday, April 16, 2012

Fix My Picker! I'm Ready for Love

Dear Eve,

I just can't seem to find the right guy. My "picker" is broken and when I fall in love it's with the same guy: immature, narcissistic, sometimes addict, and commitment-phobic. I see a therapist which has helped, but I still can't break the cycle.

I want a long-term relationship with a guy that will love me like I love him. How can I start making better choices? I'm afraid that I'll never get "it."

Dear Heartbreaker,

I'll call you that because you're breaking mine. When you're working hard to fix the parts in you that are broken and still feel like your being held together by the cheapest glue, it's easy to start believing that you just might be too broken to fix; too empty to give; too tired to keep trying and failing. If you really were these things, though, you wouldn't be writing in to me, going to see your therapist, or keeping that small ray of hope that there is a great guy out there for you. Instead, you would've given up by now and be a crazy cat lady, sharing fish treats with you 23 closets furry friends and self-treating hookworms. It's just a matter of time before things click for you. Your hard work will pay off because you want it to and are willing to sacrifice to be where you want to be.

While you're putting the finishing touches on the leaner, meaner you, I'd like you to think about the urgency that you have to get a good guy in the bag, and quick! I'm not sure if it's a modern notion or a just a human one, but comparing your timeline to the people around you is a very good way to make yourself miserable. It's no good to tell yourself that you have a small window of opportunity to be happy. It's just not true. From the 15 year old new mom to the 51 year old couple that has their first child through the foster care system, everyone's time comes as it should. When you finally get where you want to be you will know how necessary it was to go through what you did to get what you wanted all along. Remember: when you jump on someone else's train, it's a good way to miss your own.

Trust me. One day you will be giving this same advice to a sweet, self-sabotaging lady whose had her fill of free-loading bass players that hit on her friends and swear they'll get a job tomorrow. You'll help rid her of the pox of the man-boy and wipe the tattoo from her forehead that says so eloquently, "Screw me over, please, then make me feel guilty about it. Oh, and by the way, I'll pay you to do it, too." You'll be a saint, my darling, and I cannot wait to see that.

1 comment:

  1. I feel as if you might have written this for me.    It applies to many fabulous women I know.  Also I think you are fab.  <3.  Tess