Thursday, April 5, 2012

Put the Poo Stick Down!

Dear Eve,

My close friend has really bad breath. Should I tell him?

Dear Freshmaker,

I think that as a human collective it should be okay under any circumstances to tell someone their breath smells like they’ve been sucking on a poo stick and chasing it with a frothy glass of fresh-squeezed anus. The only thing that keeps us from doing so is that we are afraid to embarrass Mr. or Mrs. Poopbreath but it seems, however, that no one has any problem with letting them embarrass themselves. It's truly a social handicap and I'm sure that you would be pissed if it was you stinking up the place and no one bothered to let you know.

Do him a kindness and tell him “Brother, your breath is killing me. It always smells like you’ve been licking a corpse. Breath mint?” Or maybe couch the ouch. “Your breath smells really bad all the time. You need to take care of it. Bong hit?” Stumble, mumble, write it down. It doesn’t matter how you do it, but let him know. You should be embarrassed that you’ve not done so by now.

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