Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Slacks, Slackers and the Women Who Love Them

Dear Eve.

Currently my 24 year old god-daughter who just graduated from college is staying with me while applying for jobs. She's a nice girl and very smart but dresses so terribly I don't think she'll ever get hired for anything but being a stripper. School girl mini-mini skirts, thigh highs, shredded tees.... She dresses a little better for interviews, but not much. She says she wants to be hired for her mind.

I've taken her shopping and offered to buy her a nice button-up and a pair of slacks for interviews but she declines the offer. I've talked to her about professionalism until I'm blue in the face. I told her she could stay here until she gets on her feet but I'm not ready to have a permanent house guest.

Am I absolved of my duties to help and guide her since I've done all I can think of to help her? I know she's getting really tired of me. :)

Dear God Mutha,

I don't think you were ever responsible for getting her ready for the real world, but if you need absolution to not feel guilty if she fails, consider it given. The woman is 24 years old, has a college degree and is making a conscious decision to not make any effort to change her appearance to improve her chances of getting a job. This juvenile idea that personal fashion is an inalienable right should die at high school graduation.

You need to get real with her and set boundaries; you are doing her a disservice by letting her stay with you responsibility-free. She should have an urgency, even a desperation, to take care of herself and make whatever sacrifices necessary to be self-sufficient, so give her a move-out date to light a fire under her ass. You need to understand, also, that nice only goes so far; she is taking advantage of you. Being a good listener and having good manners is fine, but we show people how we really feel by our actions. And her actions say "Godmother, thanks for being my bitch. It means a lot to me that I can take advantage of you both financially and morally, but you make it so easy you deserve it. Thanks for the cash, too. I'm not using it for gas. I need pot to be able to deal with your incessant nagging. And BTW, those slacks make your legs look like you've filled a pair of pantyhose with potatoes." Man, she sounds like a real twat-waffle.

Free yourself from the bonds of feeling responsible for this young lady's life choices. It's totally okay if she fails. She's young enough and smart enough to get through it and be better for it. You've done enough for her.

Now let's get down to the real tragedy here: Slacks. Seriously? The word itself sounds like a disease. I certainly don’t want to catch “the slacks.” It’s a bitch to get rid of and makes you smell like moth balls. Ladies wear trousers, woman!

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