Thursday, April 12, 2012

Suggestion: Don't Date Someone That Doesn't Like You

Dear Eve,

I have been seeing my girlfriend for about 6 months. We date 3-4 times per month, which isn't enough for me, but we're professionals and busy so I'm cool with it. The problem is that she's starting graduate school and says we will not be able to see each other at all for at least 4 months because she will be too busy. There isn't even time for a quick lunch together once a week and we only live 5 minutes apart. She says we can text each other to keep in touch, but not a lot. She has to keep her mind on her studies.

I want to know if her behavior is reasonable, or am I being selfish in thinking that she should make a little time for us when she's working so hard already? She knows I'll miss her but assures me that nothing has changed between us.

Dear Utterly Hopeless,

She is not your girlfriend.

The evidence:

  1. You live 5 minutes from each other and maybe see her once a week. That’s about as often as you see the gas station guy, and I don’t think you see him as a romantic interest.
  2. She doesn't want to see you for four months. Is she going into a convent? Taking a vow of silence? A boyfriend should be pretty important, dontcha think? I worked 40 hours a week, went to school full-time and still managed to nurture a decent relationship with a bottle scotch and procure all the sexy times a stressed-out student needs. 
  3. She won’t agree to see you for a half hour a week for lunch. She will spend that much time picking stray whiskers off her chin. Just to get math-y on you, that is about .3% of her week she can’t spare. On you. Her boyfriend.
  4. She told you nothing has changed between you. Now with that I agree. To make the shift from spending 4 hours a week (just guessing) to zero hours a week isn't much of a difference.
  5. She knows you want a relationship and she DOES NOT CARE. She likes having you there, though, for whenever it suits her. That's what's known as "shitty."

To answer your question, you are not being selfish. You are being stupid.

So, Utterly Hopeless, be a little kinder to yourself and choose to date women who actually like you. They are out there. Cut your losses and find someone worth your time, love and devotion.

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