Thursday, May 3, 2012

Fun Soul Crusher Seeks Crazy Person for Friendship Only

Dear Eve,

I had an amazing friendship, which is rare to find as an adult. A few months ago, we \"broke up\" the way girls do sometimes. She overstepped the boundaries, we had words and I was crushed. She is sorry. I am sorry. We miss each other, at least she says she that is true. I wonder if we can ever be friends again.

I miss her. We had so much fun together. But I wonder if we can ever trust each other again. I told her I can forget it and move on....put my hand out there, but she has not returned my handshake and I am left there; hand hanging in mid-air. What else can I do to mend a broken friendship? Or is she just gone from my life?

Dear Broken Up,

You can't do anything else.  You've put yourself out there and she's not reciprocated.  I'm having a hard time understanding, though, why you're pursuing her when she's crushed your heart, you don't believe she's sincere in her apology, and you don't trust her as a person.  You did say she was fun, but I think she'd have to be going-to-Cirque-deSoleil-on-white-blotter-acid-fun for me to still be interested.

And because chances are she's not that fun, I think you just might be a little crazy.  Not in the poop-in-the-sink variety crazy, or the going to the grocery store as Lady Godiva and Godiva wants peas!  Naow, Fool! type,  but the more genteel let's-blow-things-out-of-proportion or I'm-not-likable-so-I-expect-bad-treatment or I-am-superior-to-everyone-and-they-are-jealous-so-they-leave-me varieties.  Crazy meaning you don't do "balance" well; your world exists in black-and-white.  If this is you, then scrap the friendship.  Your fun friend doesn't have a chance of ever being rid of the black spot she was given when she dared to cross one of your boundaries, of which I imagine you have many, replete with cold-war era landmines.  I don't think she's responding to your outreach because she knows that you will never be able to let it go.  You can miss each other, love each other, and have fond memories of the good days, but you're never going back to where you were.  Like my brother says, once bread is toast, it can never be bread again.

If you're not crazy, and I just know you're not!, then you're over-sensitive.  Really good friends can weather a huge front of shit-storms and come out on the other side, definitely wind-blown, but with their scotches still firmly in hand, and ready to meet the world as a team again. Was the infamous boundary crossing one that was so egregious that it can never be forgiven?   If she slept with your man, the bitch should be dead to you, unless he's a bigger jerk-off than she is, then I'd give her another chance, but that's me. Sisters before misters and all that.  If she gave you unsolicited advice about, say, your sub-par mothering (her opinion!  Back off!), home decor, or your choice to have an affair, and so on, then you need to let it go. You think enough of her to write in, so I'll assume she's not swapped bodily fluids with your mate.  My advice is to work on letting your hurt go unless she's malicious, toxic, or a soul-sucking jerk.   Don't make anymore overtures to her until you can forgive her, for real this time. Or decide that she's not worth it and move on.  Your fence-sitting antics will only serve to inflame your nether regions and make you walk funny.  Be kind to your lady parts and make a decision tout de suite; your vulva will love you for it.

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