Tuesday, July 17, 2012

You're So Weird! Kiss Me!

Dear Eve,

I'm single and lonely.  Should I try internet dating?  I'm scared of weirdos but it's getting to a point where I'll try anything.

What do you think?

Dear Singleton,

Sure!  But you can just as easily meet weirdos at work, school, church, BDSM conventions, rallies for Ralph Nader, the grocery store, Tea Party lynch mobs, Aqua-bats concerts, your 400 level English course, the parking lot outside of the local police precinct, and real estate sales.  You've got to take a little risk when you're looking for Mr/Ms Right and always be open to finding love, no matter the venue.

When you do meet someone remember that they may be weird but probably not too weird to date.  The important thing is that you're making an effort to get out there and pound the pavement looking for love like a part-time job, if you're serious that is. Do something positive.  Take an emotional risk or two.  Open your mouth and say something when you find someone attractive.  Your life is not a sit-com so stop waiting for a new neighbor to move in; there is no love/hate relationship on your horizon that ends with you falling into bed and living happily ever after WITH THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE!  TV LIES!

Now, if you're just a whiney-whiner who wahhhs, "Look at me! I'm so lonely. Nobody loves me! What's wrong with me?  Why can't I meet someone nice?  Whargarble Whargarble!" as you sit at home every night with your cat, dog, or mom, eating cheetos, and hahaha-ing at the People of Walmart (come on! that's just sad), albeit with deliciously cheesey fingers, then, you know, fuck off.

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