Thursday, August 9, 2012

Introduce Her? I Hardly Know Her!

Dear Eve,

OK. Lets say I had lunch with a woman a few weeks ago and then spent more time again with her at dinner a few weeks later. No money changed hands. Alcohol, chloroform, and/or restraints were NOT involved! This is new to me.  I've not dated in the years since my divorce which was a long time ago.  I'm cautiously optimistic so my question is 

When should a new friend be introduced to the kids?

Dear Tramp,

Just kidding!  Good for you.  It's scary to jump back into the dating pool when your toes have been dry for so long and even more scary to be optimistic about a possible relationship.  But nothing makes me sing more then to see a sad, dead, barren heart suddenly alive like a hive of bees in a buckwheat field.  A man cannot live for his kids alone.  The heart wants a partner and this is a very good thing.

Now let's see.  Hmm. When to bring her around?  Not now for sure, unless your kids are old enough to meet you for a few drinks for the get-to-know-you. If that's the case, go for it.  Since it has been so long since you've even tried dating, I'm sure they'll be happy to see you give it a go.  It's sad to watch a parent be lonely.  If they're younger kids, hold off...for a while.  Wait until you are sure that you're in a healthy, monogamous relationship.  And for the record, there is nothing wrong with keeping secrets from your kids.  Having an adult relationship without their knowledge is not sneaking around, it's being responsible.  I say this because I'm tired of the whining, "I don't want to keep secrets from my kids because it will ruin our trust.  They deserve to know.  Whaahhh.."  Nice excuse to not be a grown-up.  

It's not time now, and it won't be for a while.  Take the excitement you feel and channel it into building a beautiful romance, or finding out that she's a bitch, just not for you, or, perhaps, that she's "the one."  Revel in the fact that you're excited about someone.  Feel scared and crazy and thankful that you've got a lot of chances to get it right and then take all of those chances.  You've only got one life, right?

Then again, you could say "To hell with everything!" and bring her on in and introduce her as your lady-friend.  It'll be like 1983 all over again.  I can see the polyester suit, her fluffy hair, the once hopeful, turned hopeless, look in her eye as she realizes that she's just another notch on your belt.  And then there are the kids in front of the tv eating cereal, watching your bedroom's revolving door as the same, hopeful-looking girls get schtupped, taken to San Diego for the weekend in your mid-life crisis convertible, then unceremoniously dumped in front of the apartment they share with 3 other stewardesses.  Your kids will learn a lot from this: women are to be used, are expendable, that men don't have feelings and relationships are about sex.  Of course, this is a little out there (who makes up this kind of shit? geez!), but the sentiment is there.  Even if it's just one lady, one time, it will make an impact.  Conversely, if you get crushed and give up, or continue to get crushed and don't make changes that's not good either.

Just be smart, put your kids before you own base needs, and everyone will be ok. 

1 comment:

  1. Bobbieanncan-What can I say but thanks for being such a grrreat fan!  Love you lots, bb!!