Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Love Me? Uh, No- Get Back to Work

Dear Eve,

I want my boss to like me and he doesn't.  In fact, I'm pretty sure he'd be happy if I didn't work for him at all.  It's my nature, though, to please people and it drives me crazy and makes me sad that this guy doesn't like me and I've not done anything wrong!  I'm not a perfect employee, but I'm also not a slacker and do my best.  When I don't make a deadline, I explain why.  My friends have told me that I explain too much because I'll give personal reasons, sometimes, as to why I something didn't go right, or just to try and get him to like me by knowing me a little better, kinda to let him see what makes me me.  I'm a likable girl!

Right now, I'm facing possible termination, a boss that can't even look me in the eye, and feeling like shit because I'm being rejected both professionally and personally.  Help me stop feeling this way, PLEASE!

Dear Sweetie,

You need a little gentle love today, yes?  Here it is:  It's lovely that you are so kind-hearted and want to connect to people; it's such an enviable trait to those of us with cold, black hearts.  If the worst case scenario comes to be, you will be okay because you are true to yourself and like who you are which puts you miles ahead of the unemployed who question what their purpose and place in the world is.  Perhaps finding a job that suits your passion to connect to people and is encouraged by management is an option you should consider.  That is not an inditement of your current behavior, more of an errant thought.  Well, that's a lie. It really is more of a strong suggestion.  Consider that fact that I'm always right while you think about it.

You need a little tough love, too, I'm afraid.  I'll start by saying that nice only goes so far.  You have to be smart, as well, especially in business.  Buck up and stop trying to win this jackhole over.  To what end anyway?  Not everyone likes you.  Some people might even think you're a raging asshole or fake or annoying or stupid.  HE'S NOT A NICE GUY AND DOES NOT LIKE YOU  Keep repeating that to yourself.  Then remember that you're at work and not at a pool party.  For one thing, he's a dude.  He doesn't care when you don't feel good, or that your dog poo-ed all over the place in the middle of the night and made you late for work.  He might care if you tell him a few secret sex stories, but that's a risk I wouldn't take if I was you.  He's also your boss, not your Bear or Boo or Bestie.  Put up the partition and familiarize yourself with what's known as a business relationship.  Which is work-speak for I-don't-care-about-you-do-your-work-I-only-want-to-see-you-when-you're-sucking-up.  I get that this is hard for you and that it's killing you to not win him over, for him to not see the darling person that you are and not "get" that you're a good person and should be treated accordingly.  But you need to get that HE IS NOT A NICE GUY AND DOES NOT LIKE YOU.  None of your sunshiney fuckery matters to this cat.

Let's recap:  He's a dude and doesn't care about your personal life.  He's a boss and does not care that you're a nice person; he just wants you to work and maybe to fire you.  HE IS NOT A NICE GUY AND DOESN'T LIKE YOU.  I think that covers it.  Stop chasing him around like you're a dog and he's got a steak stapled to his neck.  He sucks and the more you don't get it, the closer you are to the ticket counter for a one-way pass to I-Suck-Too-Ville.

Now go be miserable at work like everyone else.  WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?  FRANCE?  AMERICANS ARE SUPPOSED TO HATE THEIR JOBS!  IT'S REQUIRED BEFORE YOU CAN GET A GUN!!

I knew you were a happy commie.  Why do I bother?

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