Sunday, August 31, 2014

You're Gonna Wind Up Eating a Steady Diet of Gov'ment Cheese, Kid

Dear Eve,

I am worried about a friend. He is getting a little out of control with his drinking and I can see how depressed he is under his 'everything is cool' exterior. I know he is under a lot of pressure with work issues, kids still at home, money stuff, but he does have a supportive wife and they look very happy.  I don't want to cross any boundaries and assume bad stuff is happening for him depression-wise, but he has been slowly amping up his drinking (and maybe rx pills? I think so, but I don't know for sure) over the past year and I can't help but worry. We've been friends for a long time, but there is some kind of code with guys where they clam up if you get real.

IDK. I'm afraid that he is going to wreck his life and I'm going to have to witness it and I don't want to kick myself for not saying something when I should have.

When do you stick your nose in other people's business?

Thanks in advance,
A Friend





Dear Friend,

I stick my nose in other people's business all the time. It's my job!

When should you?

Online Graphing
Graphing

If I think there is some underlying depression, shady shit going on or other concerning behavior, I'm going in strong at 400, possibly 300 if they are showing signs of remorse for craptacular things they did while under the influence.  But from 400 on, it gets a little shady. You're a crappy friend if you don't say something. I lost a friend once because I didn't get on him for his drinking. He took it as a sign I didn't care. I thought he was trying on a Bukowski persona and didn't think it was my place to intervene with his life/art. I was also young and stupid. As a grown-ass woman, I have lost friends because I stopped drinking and they took it as a personal judgement of their own life choices. That sucked like elephantiasis of the labia. I'm still sad about losing them. The point is, there could be consequences that aren't going to thrill you if you keep your pie-hole closed or let your feelings fly.

Graph-wise, from 400 up you're kind of a pussy if you don't say something. That shit is not good, no matter how you frame it. We laugh off the shenanigans of our friends, and a hittin' life a little hard during times of turmoil can happen with little damage done, sometimes, but when months or years start adding up, you need to push out your tits, lift up that double chin and say, "I care about you too much to not say something about this shit."

There are a lot of alternatives to not doing that. 1) Nothing could happen. Your friend slows down and things go back to normal, 2) Things get worse but he's still making it work. You watch horrified from the sidelines and slowly distance yourself for self-preservation's sake and forget you know him, or 3) The sonofabitch accidentally OD's, or murders a bunch of people with his car, or loses his family/job/home or some combination of the three. That could happen, right?

So where is your comfort level, Friend? What are you willing to risk to show you care? If you lose them for saying something, respectfully and out of genuine concern, that shit will hurt but they will know someone has noticed and you will know that you have done them a kindness, one that I believe they are secretly wanting, whether they are willing to change now or not. The alternative is not really an option, unless "A Friend" is really an alias for "Shit Stirrer" or "Asshole".

Be the one to be brave enough to say something. Who knows? You may be the catalyst for them to become an awesome motivational speaker! You could be the wind beneath their wings! You could also be despised, but I've been despised A LOT, and meh, it's not so bad. Not as bad as government cheese, and definitely better than being a coward.

Song of the Day








2 comments:

  1. Put another skrimp on the barbie! I think what I am trying to say is that reading this made me want to push up my tits.

    ReplyDelete